As I struggle to pen down my thoughts.
So as to write down an interesting piece.
I wonder which is more important, to be perfectly boring or to be imperfectly intriguing?
And as I looked for an answer, I stumbled upon the following quote by Marilyn Monroe-
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
After thinking for a whole week and searching for a newsworthy and meaningful topic to write upon, I finally decided to try being topic-less for a change. I thought why not experiment with something irrelevantly relevant. Sounds weird, isn't it? Be rather amused than confused. Let's be mad, share a hearty laugh and mock each other. Before I begin, think for a while when was the last time, you laughed so hard that it almost split your sides?? Though, there are many socio-economic issues to discuss about or the mayhem surfacing around the globe, be it the Syria crisis or the unrest in Egypt or for that matter the protests in India to bring justice to the victim of the brutal Delhi rape and so on and so forth, but all the worries can take a back seat for now. C'mon! It's time to give our lucid mind a break and enjoy being mindless.
The problem with us humans is that we are too conscious about ourselves, behaving in the best possible way, being obsessively idealistic so that no one can ever find a single fault in us. We start acting as though a BIG BROTHER is watching over us 24x7. In the process of attempting to be perfect, we somewhere loose our innocence and miss out on the pleasures that life brings about time to time. What we are outside, we are not inside, and we all agree to it. So, for a day stop being some artist's smiling and deceptive portrait...let's be ourselves completely. In this blog we will critically view different professions and take a dig at them. It's human psychology not to be content with what we have. At some point in our lives, we all feel underachieved and believe, we deserve much more than we actually have in hand. One thought that keeps circling our mind is, if only we could switch our profession by a magical wand. For God's sake! Don’t say you haven't felt the same at any stage. Dude! If you haven't experienced any such feeling or thought, then there is something seriously wrong with you. So whoever you are; comical, cynical or mental; come and share a hearty laugh.
Funny enough, women constitute a class of species that remains happy under all circumstances, reason being they rob their menfolk of all smiles. After all, the cashier husband or partner is always there to come to their aid in times of shopping or partying or random touring plans. Smiling women are the prettiest....now we know why men frown so much and why the ratio of men suffering from a heart stroke is more than that of women.... it’s the stress of maintaining those pretty smiles.
LIST OF FAMOUSLY UNFAMOUS PROFESSIONS -
- Doctors - Only God knows in which script do they write? A doctor's handwriting is so awful; I bet none can ever read it.
A doctor is a man who writes prescriptions till the patient either dies or learns to get cured naturally.'What a noble profession!' is usually the first reaction upon hearing the term 'Doctor'. And every parent in India wishes their children to become doctors. The clean white apparel, the sanitizers, the smiling bespectacled face and then comes the scariest part; the medical bill and lo all your smiles fade away. They charge you or more so, tax you, as though you have committed some crime. Is it the crime of visiting them or they make up for all the money that went into getting those endless degrees? By the time they finish off their medical studies they become middle aged and their once upon a time girlfriends are already married with grown up kids. Hence, doctors take out their years of build-up frustration on their patients. Neither your pills ever cease to end nor do your visits; they ensure you don't get well after one visit until your wallet is left with a big hole, that's the eternal doctor-patient relationship. The art of medicine is lesser to heal and more to fool. A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who have died under his care. It's a damn business profession which has nothing noble left in it any more. They truly mint money. For sure, a doctor will never die poor for he has the expertise in how to rip off patients. Bottom line - Doctors, pharmaceuticals and coffin industry will never hit a slump.
“Make it compulsory for a doctor using a brass plate to have inscribed on it, in addition to letters indicating his qualifications, the words, 'Remember I am mortal too”
George Bernard Shaw.
- Engineers - the most laid off lot, extremely flirtatious and who have cluttered US and Germany.
Apart from the craze of having doctor children, Indian parents also hold a desire to make their sons engineers. No doubt we are such a big engineering community. Once you become an engineer you are expected by default to be a full time mechanic, electrician and plumber at your home and thanks to your family's bragging habits (about you) also at your neighbour's house. But if you fail to repair any broken fixture or appliance, your degree is highly doubted on and loses its credibility. And supposedly if you happen to be a software engineer, your life is further made miserable by incessant requests of your relatives to install Windows, MS Office and Anti Virus in their laptops and PCs.
So whatever time is left to poor engineers after serving their family and relatives, they use the below lines most often to hit on a girl –
- Hey baby, let’s make a stress-strain curve together.
- Our love is like dividing by zero…. you cannot define it.
- I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
- You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
- Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you?
- My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
- I am attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
Lastly, they are the only self-obsessed category of professionals who write self-praising jokes thinking the world would marvel at their genius but in reality it's only they who laugh and the rest of the world looks bewildered saying..' Hey! Have they gone mad?'
- Lawyers - A lawyer is synonymous with a liar, the rest are true stories. Also, a lawyer is a synonym for vampire, because he learns to suck blood during the first year of law school.
It's said on one occasion the devil celebrates the most. Any guesses? It is the time when a lawyer is born, the devil gets so joyous, he exclaims 'today I have found a new brother.' Lawyers have the knack for lying, they are blessed with such an unusual talent of manipulating and distorting facts, they can twist and turn any truth into a deceit and vice versa. They charge you a fortune but at the end of the day they wash off all your misgivings and turn your life's fabric sparkling white. They remove the stains of crimes you carry on your sleeves faster and better than the most powerful of detergents. The difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer is, a bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years whereas a good lawyer makes it last even longer. And the only similarity between dinosaurs and good lawyers is, they are both extinct now.
- Poet/ Writer - there is none so fool who wishes to abode in a fool's paradise forever.
This is the rarest of rare species of professionally unprofessional men. Poets and writers are loners, mystical, dreamers, illusionists, architects of romanticism, wanderers chasing a mirage, lost in their own uniqueness, self-listeners and self-seekers. Their fate is decided by their verse or prose which either becomes a classic or gets dumped in trash. So basically, those sleepless nights which went writing novels or poems either lift you to the status of a laureate or make you a banned entry persona for your controversial works. This is the only field which makes or breaks you completely. Writings revolve around the following elements-
A Poet – The more eccentric you are, a better poet you make.
A Sports Writer – is one who's anything but a writer.
A Writer's Nightmare – is the point where their mind runs short of any inspiration, like the brain says, 'I am sorry boss but I refuse to entertain any further, a crap of an idea.' It gets so frustrating that literally you wish to bang your head against a wall so that at least your pain may spark up some ideas.
Word trap – is the trick used by the writer who was too busy last night watching porn on Internet that the next day he decides to make up for the lost time by creating a web of words that engulfs the readers and traps them in utter confusion. As it's said 'if you can't convince them, you can always confuse them'.
- Philosopher - Philosophy is a route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
There are two universal laws of philosophy-
- The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
- The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.
This is a 100% guaranteed profession. But guarantee of what? Hold on! It means 100% rest assured that you'll end up getting social security benefits sooner or later. Those scary and thick books have less of profound influence on you rather they take a heavier toll on your mind....turning you into a lunatic. It's like entering into your room one night and coming out of it the next day with all white hair....excess of thinking like excess of drinking is injurious to health. Philosophy can be very contagious, you read the great works of master philosophers and suddenly you start thinking about life and its intricacies. Good Lord! you become so absorbed in it that now you wish to be the next big thing after say, Aristotle or Socrates or Plato...so you plunge into the sea of philosophy and in the task of becoming an esteemed scholar you end up going haywire and turning into a frightening creature. In short, Dude! Have mercy on your readers, why baffle and unnerve them with your stupid assumptions about life? No doubt, philosophers have to their credit the majority of jokes.
“The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as to seem not worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.”
Bertrand Russell, Science and Religion
- Journalist - Ahh!! This had to come up, thanks to me!
Well journalism is the bedrock of controversy, all worldly controversies spur up from here and its practitioners (journalists) are the masterminds behind all the drama in news (either created or real) you watch with so much interest on T.V. or read in newspapers. The only consistent prayer of journalists is for shit to happen every day and every hour...how else will they fill up the columns in newspapers or slots in hourly bulletins. This profession alone has the power to topple severest of regimes. Journalists and Paparazzi are the most hated men on earth...they are the nightmare of politicians and celebrities. My first lesson on Journalism taught me that people want to know about the wicked and ghastly affairs e.g. about wars or robbery or massacre. Good news is no news, only the nastiest, most brutal and filthiest of happenings grab the readers'/ viewers' attention and increase the TRPs of the news channels otherwise why would the news channels conduct sting operations? There is a cliché in journalism - “When a dog bites a man, it's no news, however if a man bites a dog it suddenly becomes the headlines”. That's what journalism is all about. And there are more churnalists than journalists in my profession. It's always easier to recreate the already created stories filed by other reporters, all you need to do is mess up the former story a bit but then off course if you aren't that lucky you pay severely too on charges of plagiarism. A journalist is forever under the threat of getting sued by someone or the other.
As for the timeliness of their stories, a rape or a murder will never be out of date, you think humans can ever be so civilised to not commit a rape or a murder or adultery? Hence, the journalists have ample raw material to write about ...and God forbid if it ever runs short, then we are trained to present a lie in the most believing manner that it looks more truthful than a plain truth can ever look like. Below is the best example of how well a journalist creates and recreates a news -
'When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, he congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, “Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Ferocious Animal”. The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town. “Well, then”, the reporter said, “the headline will probably say, Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog”. “Actually”, the man said, “I'm from Connecticut”. “In that case”, the reporter said in a huff, “the headline should read, “Yankee Kills Family Pet”.
No matter, how much we crack jokes on each other, the truth Ahem! not in journalistic terms but in factual terms, is that we would forever need Doctors, Engineers, Lawyers, Writers/Poets, Philosophers and Journalists etc. etc. otherwise our world would be inoperative and we would be in dark ages. So in which category do you fall?? As for me, I am happy being a case of mistaken identity till I find an answer to where I actually belong...and isn't it a hint big enough that I am standing near the precautionary sign board saying 'BEWARE OF PHILOSOPHERS'.